Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
God, I missed his penis.
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