Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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