I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
