She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
