is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
