i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
