just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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