I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
