I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
