Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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