Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
