I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
