when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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