i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
