i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
