I heard we made out
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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