Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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