Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
