I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
