I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
