Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
