i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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