i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
