guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
