He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
