you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to calm my uterus...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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