Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
