he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Say something about gay babies.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
