I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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