The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
