He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
