there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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