can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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