tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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