Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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