naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
