I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
