She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
