Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
