i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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