Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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