my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
