she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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