I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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