Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
