So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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