She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
