Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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