I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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