Dual....:-)
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Randomize
