threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
