oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
