we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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